The Silent War Inside: How Midlife Black Men Can Reclaim Their Power with One Bold Habit

Ever been in a moment so intense, so heavy, that whispering “It’ll be okay” felt like a lie?

You’re sitting in your car, parked outside your house, engine still running. You know the moment you step inside, the responsibilities come rushing in—fatherhood, partnership, bills, expectations. You’re exhausted, but there’s no time to rest. And deep down, you’re not sure you’ve got what it takes to keep holding it all together.

I’ve been there. Many of the midlife Black men I coach are there right now. Silent storms behind composed faces. Holding it down for everyone else while barely holding on themselves.

Maybe for you, it’s a job that’s slowly draining your soul. Maybe it’s the weight of raising kids in a world that doesn’t always honor your dignity. Or maybe, like too many of us, it’s that quiet war in your mind—the one that whispers, “You’re not enough,” and echoes with every setback.

That’s why I want to talk to you about the power of your voice.

The Myth of the Madman Talking to Himself

Let’s clear this up: Talking to yourself isn’t crazy. It’s courageous.

I used to think it was something only eccentric folks did—those guys on the train who mutter under their breath, sounding like they’re arguing with ghosts. But when life started pressing me from all sides, I realized something powerful: speaking to yourself with intention isn’t madness. It’s mastery.

Your words aren’t just sound—they’re signals. They tell your mind what to believe, your body how to react, and your spirit how to rise.

One of my clients—a quiet but brilliant operations director—was going through a painful divorce and felt like he was failing as both a leader and a father. His thoughts were a constant loop of shame: “I should’ve done more. I’m not good enough.” I had him start each day by looking in the mirror and saying out loud, “I’m not broken. I’m rebuilding. And every piece matters.”

He felt ridiculous at first. But something shifted. His shoulders squared up. His voice grew firmer. Within weeks, the same team that had started to doubt him was coming to him for guidance again. Not because his circumstances changed—but because he did.

Words vs. Reality: What You Say Shapes What You See

Let’s get this out the way—saying “I am powerful” doesn’t magically pay your rent or fix that aching lower back.

But here’s the real thing: When you change your words, you change your energy. And when your energy shifts, your approach shifts. And that changes outcomes.

Let’s talk about health. One of my brothers was recently diagnosed with high blood pressure. Understandably, he spiraled—talking about it like a death sentence. “It’s all downhill from here,” he said.

But I challenged that script.

“Your body’s talking to you. Start listening—and speaking back. Try this instead: "My body is responding to my care. I’m reclaiming my health."

He began walking every morning, prepping his meals with intention, and—yes—speaking life over himself daily. His numbers dropped. But more importantly, he stopped giving up on himself.

This isn’t toxic positivity. It’s strategic self-leadership.

Be Your Own Hype Man

You’ve been the rock for others. The steady hand. The one who doesn’t break down in public. But who hypes you up?

Too often, we wait for applause that never comes. We crave affirmation from spouses, friends, bosses—but here’s the truth: if you’re not speaking life into yourself, their voices won’t matter when the doubt creeps in at 2 a.m.

I coach a father who once told me, “I feel like I’m losing my son.” He was stuck in guilt over past mistakes. So I had him flip the script.

“I’m the father my son needs—even if he can’t see it yet. I’m present. I’m learning. I’m leading with love.”

He repeated it daily. Not because it instantly fixed things—but because it anchored him when the conversations got hard. Today, they’re closer than they’ve ever been. Why? Because his belief in himself created space for connection.

Inspire Yourself—and Everyone Around You

Leadership isn’t about titles. It’s about tone. Your words set the atmosphere—at work, at home, and in your head.

Say this to your team: “We don’t panic—we pivot. We solve problems.”

Say this to your child: “You’re a builder. You’re a thinker. You’re becoming someone powerful.”

Say this to your reflection: “I’ve survived what tried to break me. And I’m still here. Bigger. Better. Bolder.”

This isn’t just about positivity. It’s about creating a new internal reality—and making sure your external life reflects it.

Get Loud. Get Active. Get Free.

Sometimes, speaking isn’t enough—you’ve got to embody it.

Get up. Clap your hands. Walk while you speak. Put some bass in your voice. Let your body feel the truth of your words. This isn’t for show—it’s for alignment. Mind. Body. Spirit.

If you’ve never stood in front of a mirror and shouted, “I’m not finished yet!”—do it. Feel the tremble in your chest. Feel how alive that declaration makes you.

You’ve spent enough time muted, waiting for permission to feel whole.

Now it’s time to command your confidence.

Your Power Move This Week: Speak Like You Mean It

Before you face your next challenge, face yourself.

Here’s how to begin:

Name the challenge. Call it out: “I feel stuck at work.” “I’m afraid of failing again.”

Declare your identity in the face of it. “I am built for growth.” “I lead with wisdom and power.”

Use movement. Don’t just sit there. Walk. Stretch. Clap. Let your body agree with your words.

Repeat daily. Let it root deep. Watch how your words become action—and your action becomes freedom.

You are not invisible.

You are not broken.

You are not done.

You are your solution. You are your best hype man. You are more than enough.

Speak power. Then go live like you believe it.

If this hit home, share it with a brother who needs to hear it. Reply and let me know what you’re speaking over your life this week.

Let’s get free—together.

For weekly tips and insights on improving your midlife experiences professionally and personally, listen to my weekly podcast, Midlife Revolution Unleashed, on your favorite podcast channel.