Breaking the Silence: Empowering Tips for Black Men to Speak Up

Brothers, sometimes we talk when we really should be listening. Other times, we don't speak up when we should. we often hold back out of fear of not being understood or fear of retaliation. But if you don't speak up, no one else is going to represent your conscience better than you. You won't be heard.

I know the feeling. Many years ago, I reported to a tyrant of a boss whose values and moral compass pointed south. Holding my opinions to myself became common but was very overwhelming. One day, I decided that remaining silent, despite the risks, was not worth compromising my mental health or my values. I met with him privately, and with measured words, spoke up. Surprisingly, the result was positive.

If you struggle with speaking up for yourself, there is hope. Here are nine proven ways to get more comfortable with speaking up:

1. Understand That You Are Not Alone:

Crucial Learning, a company that offers performance, leadership, and communication courses, conducted a study in 2021 showing that 9 out of 10 people polled were often afraid to speak their minds. You aren't the only person who struggles to speak up for yourself. This is a common situation for many, although our challenge is unique as Black men. Understanding that you are not alone in dealing with this issue might make it easier for you to find the courage to speak when needed.

2. Ask Yourself One Simple Question:

Ask yourself, "What will happen if I don't speak my mind?" You may have some valuable input that could help yourself or others. You might need to stand up for someone who cannot do it themselves. You may need to point out the obvious. You might need to set some boundaries to improve your own mental and physical well-being. Answering this question makes it easier to offer your opinion or stand up for yourself.

3. Find a Place Where You Feel Comfortable:

It's easier to express your opinion in an environment where you feel comfortable and safe. An environment where you feel confident, relaxed, and stress-free is the perfect place to speak your mind. You may feel more empowered in your office, at lunch, or while outdoors surrounded by nature.

4. Practice Beforehand:

They say practice makes perfect. When it comes to speaking up for yourself, perfection isn't needed. You need to feel confident and capable. Practice what you want to say before you have to say it. Using a mirror, speak aloud in a calm, clear manner, making eye contact. The more you practice, the better your chance of having a positive experience.

5. Get Someone to Set the Stage for You:

Talk to a friend or someone else that you respect. Tell them your situation. Explain what you want to say and your nervousness about speaking up. Ask if they set the conversational stage for you so you can slide in with your comments. Have them talk about something that makes what you want to say relevant. This makes it easier for you to speak up and produces a positive environment where others are more likely to listen to what you have to say.

6. Ask Entrusted People What They Think:

People love to give their opinions. Consider what you want to say. Then, ask someone you trust, questions that are relevant to what you want to speak about. This prepares you for possible responses and makes you more comfortable. Seeking the input of a professional coach, therapist, or mentor for support and ‘objective’ feedback.

7. Be Selective When Speaking.

If a conversation doesn’t truly need your input, be quiet. Choose the appropriate time to speak up rather than constantly talking just to be part of the group. I have watched enough brothers striving for this “illusion of inclusion” more often than I can count, especially during virtual meetings.

When you speak only when necessary and what you say has value, people will respect you for it. That receptiveness can give you the courage to speak up for yourself when needed.

8. Just Get It Out:

It's tough to speak up if you continue to imagine negative possible scenarios. Rather than rehashing the “what ifs”, just spit it out. Stop thinking about it and say what’s on your heart. Often, you’ll find that all the worry was for nothing. Worse case, you learn from the experience, so you do better next time.

9. Remember: You Are Your Best Advocate:

Your life may be filled with people who make you feel comfortable, appreciated, and safe. No matter how much they love you, you are still your best advocate.

It is your responsibility to stand up for yourself. Only you can do that and make your words heard. Tell yourself in these situations that there is no one better to speak your mind than you.

Brothers, stop playing invisible or unworthy. Practice what you want to say. Do it as often as necessary until you feel comfortable speaking up when needed. Stop dwelling on “what ifs”. Instead, imagine a wonderfully positive outcome to imagine the deep feeling of authenticity and heightened self-esteem you will experience for speaking your truth. Visualize a successful outcome. See yourself as a confident, diplomatic communicator who gets the message delivered with its intended impact.

Ask yourself, "What will happen if I don't speak my mind?" What will the outcome be if everyone is too scared to or simply doesn’t speak up? The answer can boost your courage and self-confidence. It makes you realize you are your best advocate.

Discover your level of assertiveness in communication. Take the rapid self-assessment below:

 https://tinyurl.com/assertiveness-in-communication

For weekly tips and insights on improving your midlife experiences professionally and personally, listen to my weekly podcast, Midlife Revolution Unleashed, on your favorite podcast channel.